The Simple Things

I recently discovered a new UK magazine called The Simple Things.  I have gotten an e-subscription for my tablet and I absolutely love it.

The magazine really focuses on living a full life with what you already have or what is freely available to you.  There aren't a lot of ads for designer brands, cosmetics or fancy cars either.  Thrift shops, farmers markets and up-cycling are common themes which I could incorporate into my life more and more.  I love the look of the photos and I really enjoy the articles even if some are more geared towards my British friends.  I hope you check it out.

Inner Voice

Is it possible to lose your inner voice?

I have struggled with writing for the last few years and I always come back to the same excuses or issues -- what comes out on paper isn't "good", the words feel rushed, I don't have clarity in my thoughts, ideas are lacking full development....

This evening I was watching a new show, The Carrie Diaries.  It is the story of Carrie Bradshaw before Sex and the City.... an 80's teenage Carrie, which is quite funny, and reminds me of my childhood in the 80's so much.  I was never a big fan of Sex and the City but I did enjoy the inner voice the audience is exposed to when Carrie wrote her columns for the NY paper. That same inner voice is there in The Carrie Diaries. It isn't as polished as the adult Carrie but you can clearly see where the "voice" comes from.  For some reason this made me think back to my own writing and the concern that maybe my issue isn't that I'm incapable of slowing down or lacking creativity but rather my inner voice is lost. 

I have a Bachelor's degree in English and had to write quite a few papers at one time.  I remember when I went back to school to finish that degree, the first few papers were the hardest for me.  It was almost as if I was writing for the first time...  after a couple of semesters I was back in the routine and whipping out an A paper was no big deal.  I found my inner voice again then.

In 2005 I divorced my ex-husband of 10 years and used a blog as a therapeutic way to deal with all my grief.  I wrote a lot that year, maybe more than I ever had in previous years.  The blog was taken down a long time ago but I did develop quite the following over time.  I can't imagine that my little insignificant divorce mattered that much to people but the one thing that I did hear was how raw and revealing I was in my posts.  Because it was a form of therapy for me, I couldn't not be revealing; I was trying to heal.  I do think that my inner voice was very strong at that time.  A close friend told me that I needed to read a certain author she had recently read because we both wrote in a similar style.  I never did read anything by that author and I couldn't tell you who it was now but to think that someone thought my writing style was good enough to match that of a published author was a nice compliment.

Another thing I've realized is I used to write because I couldn't speak how & when I wanted.  In fact I hated public speaking and felt awkward at it.  In the last several years, I've had to speak a lot and I've refined my presentation style, my comfort is built up when expressing myself and I have far more confidence.  Sometimes I'd rather talk than email.  Perhaps this has contributed to my inability to feel that my writing accurately captures my voice because my voice is out there.  Today I presented to a large group in the IT Department that I work for.  Several managers presented on topics as well and I was told after we were done that mine was the easiest to follow, most polished, and overall made the most impact to the audience.  I doubt I could have pulled that off a few years ago. 

So where does this leave me with writing?  I think I have to find my new inner voice for my new language style.  I have to figure out how I turn my every day language into my inner voice and hope that it is likeable enough that people might want to read what I have to say. 

Eat Pray Love



I just finished watching Eat Pray Love for the second time.  I've been feeling out of touch with myself again-- with what brings me happiness or pleasure. I remembered that this movie is all about indulging in pleasure and figuring out who you are when lost.  I think the fact that this is a true story of Elizabeth Gilbert's life for a year makes it all the more interesting and inspiring. 

Early on in the movie, Gilbert is trying to describe how she feels to a friend, talking about how she wishes she had a hunger for something in life, like food.  Where she craved something, enjoyed it.  At that moment she felt nothing and needed to get back to feeling again.

I identify with this so much. 

When in Italy, Gilbert is talking with her new Italian friends and they are telling her that American's don't know how to have pleasure in their lives.  We have "Miller-time" and are brought up to believe we have to earn pleasure.  We work hard all week to earn sitting around in our pjs on the weekend watching tv.  I loved this explanation because it is so accurate and I believe we do have it so wrong.

So after my second viewing here are my thoughts --

• I need to be making and eating more pasta (and not the canned stuff either)
• Travel is really important to me, more important than having expensive things
• Meditation helps - I need to make sure I do it more often
• Gilbert went to a Hindu temple but I think a Buddhist temple would be better for me
• You can never have enough linen in your wardrobe
• Love doesn't have to be perfect to the outside world, just perfect to me
• Doing things to help others helps me to feel better
• Forgive myself - even if others can't. I have to live to with myself.
• Do what makes me happy.  Don't do it because I should or it will make others be impressed with me or wait for validation from others to feel good about it.
• A less conventional life is ok, cookie cutter living isn't for everyone
• I need to write more

A few things....

Some ramblings about life ....

I have a cold.  Not a terrible cold. Just an annoying stuffy head and uncontrollable sneezing cold. 

I made art this weekend.  Actually I made guest room wall decor. 

Scrapbook paper.  Owls.  Record frames.  Kate Bush and Heart on Spotify.  2 hours of bliss. 

We also cleaned the house, watched Home Alone (in which Tori almost peed her pants with laughter), Christmas shopping, Illuminations at Botanica (Christmas lights), drove around looking at lights sipping hot chocolate, made a gingerbread house,  did homework, paid bills, went grocery shopping, gave self a pedicure and a long bath.... and still managed to make my owl art.  Who am I?

It was like I got this huge surge of energy and did so much yet felt like I actually had a long weekend.  I could take more of these.  Perhaps I owe it to Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map.  I'm working on the Audio and Worksheets and I love it.  It is all about understanding why you chase the goals you chase and gaining a deeper understanding of what motivates you and then turning that into real actions not lofty goals that leave you feeling empty at the end -- accomplished or not.

I find my attitude about work has also improved.  I am still fairly miserable in Corporate America but I find that I am more eager to walk away at the end of the day... not so eager to give it all my blood, sweat, and tears. So I'll call that progress for now.

I am currently inspired.  To do what you may ask?   I'm inspired to live more simply and in the present.  Not everything needs to be about tomorrow (or yesterday).

Beginning to look a lot like Christmas

I've gotten a head start on Christmas this year and I'm actually feeling pretty good about all we've gotten accomplished so far:

Christmas shopping is nearly done.
Christmas wrapping nearly done.
Christmas decorating is done.
Christmas baking list is about complete.
Christmas cards have arrived and are ready for me to stuff and address.
Christmas dresses purchased
Christmas photos are planned for Tuesday.

With all of this behind us, it's going to leave plenty of time for the fun stuff:

Baking
Christmas lights drive
Botanica's Illuminations
Christmas show watching -- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, Santa Claus the Movie.....

Walden Pond

Where I was last week. I'd like to go live in the woods now too.

On Writing

I've got a ton of things to write about following up to my Literary New England vacation but first, I've got to tell you about my most important news....writing!

So it turns out that visiting the homes and burial sites of some of America's greatest writers is really inspirational.  In fact, it inspired me to read Stephen King's "On Writing."  I'm 80% of the way through and I have flown through the book so fast.  Initial comments are this -- Stephen King and me.... well, we think a whole lot a like.  In fact, I can even relate to a lot of his initial attempts at writing down to the short stories I started writing and submitting around age 7. 

Suddenly, I have the desire to pull out all my old stories, even the ones written at my now daughter's age.... "The Joyful Small Cafe," "Brigindale and Picklewell, " and one I can't recall the name of but I submitted to a Madeline L'Engle writing contest in 3rd grade, I think.  I want to recall those stories and how hopeful I was at one time to be a real writer.  I want to give my self some credit... I wasn't completely horrible, especially as I got older.  I want to find the drafts of the various novel starts and short stories I've written in the last 15 years and sit with them. 

And then, I want to write something new.  I want to write like I haven't wanted to write in a long time.  I know it's going to take discipline and dedication but when I truly step away and think about what I want to be remembered for, it's this:  I want to write something that impacts other's lives.  I think all the time about how I play therapist to my friends and family but I think I could really do more in writing.  And I observe a lot of people, I'm a watcher.  Sometimes I think the only way I really will be heard is by writing it down.

Tomorrow I return back to the real world but I'm ready to set my limits and deliver only what I humanly can within a 40 hour work week and then I'm devoting the rest of my time to the things I want to do... like writing.