2018

2018.... what can I say?  I'm so utterly thrilled that you are over.  2018 was not a great year at my house.  The loss of family and pets, some health issues in my family, the political climate, my inability to stay keto, etc. all made this last year one of our most difficult to date.

We lost two of Josh's grandparents last year in addition to our cat, Grimm, and dog, Molly.  Not a good year at all...

We did have some good things happen that I can't dismiss.

We took a family vacation to Oahu, Hawaii.  It was a great trip and found out that we really liked Hawaii.  None of us would complain about going back.  Or eating more Poke.

Josh & I managed to get away to celebrate our 8 year anniversary by traveling to Fort Lauderdale and then Key West.  The big surprise the Challenger rental car that he drove around for a week.  We also managed to see Phil Collins in concert, which was on our bucket list.

We also saw Smashing Pumpkins and America in concert.

I read a ton this year, 40 books to be exact.  Not a small amount of books but has definitely set me for a bigger challenge in 2019.

We paid off the PMI on our house.  This was a financial goal I had to get done in the next 2 years but we were able to do so earlier.  No more wasted money going to PMI.  Our IRA on the other hand... well I think we all know the stock market has been big disappointment in 2018.

There were Halloween dances (with dates), band concerts, choir concerts, girls going to movies by themselves, more sleepovers, checking out magnet high schools, honor's assemblies, more travel for work, many vet appointments, moving into a new office building for work (mostly impacting Josh), and just getting on with life.

I didn't do near the writing that I had hoped to this year.

I didn't finish cross stitch projects that I started.

I spent too much time thinking about my job.... not a good sign.

It felt like a year of fewer accomplishments and more just about getting through.  I suppose that's how some years just have to go.

Like last year, I wanted to share my favorites of the year of 2018:

Book:  The Sea of Tranquility: A Novel by Katja Millay

Movie: Ready Player One

TV: Shameless

Music: Phil Collins

Craft: Paper Cutting

Run in with a celebrity: Unfortunately no run-ins in person but got some love on my blog and instagram celebs including Lang Leav, a poet I really enjoy

Art: Wyland.... reminds me of my childhood

Indulgence: Margot Elena box, Sour Gal wine, Wensleydale cheese with cranberries

Tea: I've been on more of coffee kick again, Donut Shop Vanilla Cream Puff is my current fav

Meal: Poke, Okinamoyaki, and mochi donuts... all in Waikiki

Concert: Phil Collins

Destination: Oahu, Hawaii - the North Shore

Spring is coming

I'm ready for a season change.  Not that we've had terrible winter weather in the Midwest but it has been overcast for months now and I am ready for spring to arrive. I've definitely been short on motivation although my creativity has been flowing freely.  I thought I would just share what I've been into lately...

Cross stitch - I have a new addiction.  In fact, I spent most evenings working on different projects.  I started with a Last Unicorn pattern that I love and then quickly moved on to other projects including learning to make my own patterns.  Etsy has been my favorite spot to shop for new patterns but making patterns is fun for personalizing items.  I recently made this portrait of my cousins and I for my Grandmother for her birthday. I both designed and stitched it.

Paper flowers - I have also been working on making a large bouquet of paper flowers.  I am a bit of a paper collector and it has been fun to learn how to cut, fold, and mold different shapes from paper.

Books - I have started too many books to name but have struggled to get into anything lately.  The last book I finished was in December, it was Everything That Rises Must Converge: Stories by Flannery O'Connor.  I loved it as I love all things by Flannery O'Connor but since Dec, I've just been stuck. My attention span hasn't been there.  I did recently buy My Best Friend's Exorcism by Grady Hendrix so am hopeful that it will grab my attention and throw me back into reading again.

Television & Movies - what can I say.  It is easy to stitch and watch tv so I have been doing a lot of that.  It doesn't hurt that there is a lot on right now that I am into.  The Walking Dead picked back up last month and I am still crazy for the show.  A new show called Riverdale started last month as well and I am really enjoying it.  I always loved the Archie comics growing up and this show is based on the newer, darker Archie comics.  Jughead was and still is my favorite. Girls on HBO has been a favorite for awhile - love Lena Dunham and her character.  This Is Us was a show I knew I would love from the previews that came out months in advance.  It has some of the best writing for a television show ever.  I admit, I get a good weekly cry from this show - and Randall is my favorite. And then there are plenty of what I consider cotton candy shows - The Voice, a slew of MTV shows, and all the Investigation Discovery I can fit in.  As far as movies go, we did go see Hidden Figures as a family.  I loved Hidden Figures and highly recommend it to everyone.  I also rented Edge of Seventeen one evening and thought it was cute.  I realize that I will always love all things aimed at teen girls.... oh well.

Unicorns, Lisa Frank, and other colorful things - Speaking of teen girls, my love for all things Lisa Frank is strong going back to the early 80's.  I have really rekindle my love for these things through sharing it with my daughters.  Lisa Frank and Glamour Dolls recently launched a Kickstarter collab for cruelty-free Lisa Frank makeup!  I was the 24th backer so I am not only getting the Lisa Frank makeup collection but also am getting something from the Lisa Frank vault!  I'm most excited about that. We also went to a store party here called Happy Puppy, Sparkly Kitty, Rainbow Unicorn Party.  It was all about the colorful animal stuff.  And my youngest has gotten into baking and loves making colorful treats.  I have started a Pinterest board just for this as we discover things she could make.  She's also already planning her 10th Birthday party and going with the Unicorn theme and I'm not complaining. I actually love that all this stuff I loved as a kid is back "in."

2017

Happy New Years Friends!

I wrapped up the last couple of weeks of the year with a staycation at home with my family.  We had a nice holiday break with a lot of planned activities.  I'll save the recap of Christmas for my next post but it was a great holiday nonetheless.

I took a look back at my 2016 Goals that I posted about last year.  I had three goals.

1) Lose another 50 lbs.  I had lost 53 lb in 2015 and aimed to lose another 50.  Did I make it?  Not quite.  I lost 38 pounds in 2016.  That puts my total weight loss to date at 92 lb.

2) Get my business off the ground.  Well that did happen and is still up and running.  I would say I am still having success but quickly needing to decide what I want to do. To be honest, I really like running my side business and it has been profitable but there are a couple of challenges -- finding places to source product and the ever increasing fees of the selling platform.  As time has gone on, it has become more difficult to make a profit.  So I have some decisions to make in the new year about what I want to do.  One thing I know for sure, I will still have a side business, I'm just not sure what it will look like.

3) Declutter.  I definitely feel that I have had some major successes in this area.  For one, I have kept the organizing that I did early in 2016 in place and have not let things go.  I have also continued to declutter room by room and not over purchased.  My closet is my best evidence.  As I have lost weight, I have bought some new clothes but I have not refilled my large closet at all.  I still have more to purge but the house has definitely come together more and the junk has decreased.


So what's in store for 2017?

Before I get to goals I want to just comment about going into 2017.  I am a bit afraid, I admit, of what this next year brings.  Not so much on a personal level but where my country stands.  I have no sense of stability or normalcy right now.  I have feelings that the ground I stand on could fall from under me at any moment.  It isn't a great feeling and even harder when you try to reassure your children that things will be ok. I really hope they are but my skeptical side says the country is in for a bumpy ride . I am also entering into my 40th year this year which is surreal (people who are 40 are old....).  Each year that passes since my dad has passed away is just a little bit harder because I just don't want to do that year without him... the feeling lessens after a couple of days but I admit I am in the thick of it right now.  So I will do the very best I can to be hopeful and true to myself and will be happily surprised if things turn out better than I expect this year.

So on to my goals for 2017.

1) Lose another 30 lb. I took a break from keto over the holidays but am ready to jump back on the wagon.  30 lb will put me at a pretty good place and is something I can be comfortable with in this body.

2) Save.  Every year we save a little more but haven't been as aggressive as we could be.  I spent the last couple of months getting my old 401K and pension rolled over to an IRA with my new company and have been working on getting our contributions aligned to allow us to be more aggressive.  I also want to work on building our savings for some big trips we want to take in the next couple of years (Japan!).  I don't want to get all personal with $$ amounts but I think this year will allow us to save our most yet.

3) Practice Mindfulness.  This is something I have been working on for the last several years but given the state of a lot of things, I feel it is important that I take a bigger role in being mindful of my decisions and how I choose to spend my time, money, and energy.  There are going to be things I can't control and best I get started on thinking about how I want to deal with those things now.

4) Reading.  I didn't post about this last year but I made a goal to read 20 books last year.  Compared to 10 years ago, this feels like nothing. These days, though, 20 books seems reasonable.  Unfortunately I came up a little short in 2016 and only read 18 books.  That isn't going to stop me from trying again for 20 in 2017.  In fact, I think I might just go read right now.

Bad Blogger

I've been a bad blogger this last month.  It hasn't been for any reason in particular other than I've just been interested in other things.  Mostly cross-stitch projects and planning for renovations that I want to do to my house.  I thought I'd just do a life update over the last month and hopefully return to some more frequent posts this month.

My husband, my mom, and I all went and saw the band Heart in concert.  I've seen them before and while the concert wasn't bad, it wasn't as memorable as when they performed at the state fair a few years back.  They skipped over some favorites like "Magic Man" and "Never" which left me disappointed.  My mom and I did rock out to "Crazy On You" and it will be a great memory to hold onto.

Halloween wasn't so eventful this year.  We carved pumpkins but didn't make it out to any of our normal festivals like Cider Fest or Neewollah. We did do a Paranormal Investigation tour at Cowtown that was pretty fun.  Penny really got into it.

I mentioned house renovations and we have really been considering some major projects.  Last year we had the siding and roof replaced from storm damages the year prior.  We are now ready to take on having new tile installed and cabinets redone.  I'm still working on numbers and timing but hopefully in the next six months.

I got a nice raise at work and was cause for celebration.  My job is still going really well and I am thankful every day that I made the decision to leave my old job.

I am still doing keto.  93 lb down.  I have definitely slowed down on the numbers but my clothes are still getting larger day by day.  In fact, I've had to buy all new fall/winter clothes.  Nothing from last year remotely fit so I've been trying to get it weeded out of my house.  A closet with clothes that fit and isn't overwhelming is perfect.  I am refusing to overbuy clothing again. And I think I've really gotten better at buying things that are versatile and classic as I've repurchased.  I have no idea if I will drop further in sizes but I can hope!

I just finished reading, The Art of Not Giving a F*CK by Mark Manson.  It caught my eye because of the title and was pretty entertaining.  In general, it aligned to a lot of my thinking these days so was refreshing to read of someone else who had similiar ideas about life and how to be content with one's life.

Tori made the honor roll and is the top kid in 6th grade.  I'm so proud of that kid.  Such a smarty and so disciplined.

Josh and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. It wasn't an eventful year (no trips) but we did manage to take a day to see movie, Snowden, and grab some dinner. I really did luck out finding Josh and he is such a great partner to have in life.

Back in June I posted about starting to take Biotin and working on growing back thicker hair.  I am happy to report that I am now growing a ton of new hair.  I had taken some before pics that I lost when my phone died earlier this month but it has been crazy how much it has grown.  When I run my fingers back across my scalp, I feel all kinds of new hairs and i have curly baby hairs all around my hairline in the front.  The stuff works and I am really pleased with the results.

To You (who might feel the way I do)

To You (who might feel the way that I do):

I struggle to sometimes relate to the rest of the world.

It has become such a frightening place these days. Tolerance and humility seem to have fall by the wayside for some and has resulted in violence and picking sides (sometimes just for the sake of being on a side).

Words.

They mean something to me. I try not to toss them around (although I sometimes mess up too, just ask my husband).

Some are afraid to say anything and others have already said too much.

Social media posts leave me feeling overwhelmed with disappointment at times. I can't stomach the news most days. And I duck and cover when someone speaks to me as though they already know how I feel about current events (as they do, of course).

I don't want to judge you for your religious beliefs, income level, political preference, sex, or race.

For I am not a judge.

I don't want to disrespect you, your culture, or your beliefs.

For I am not keen on disrespect.

I don't want to argue with you about right and wrong.

Because I know that we are all wrong to some degree, myself included.  We see life through a lens that is personal to us as individuals. We have had experiences, good and bad, that have swayed our opinions one way or another. We were born into a lifestyle that differs from each other. We have grown frustrated and tired, given up hope on some things and remain passionate about others. We have watched different channels, read different books, had different teachers, and walked a different path that has led us to where we stand today.

Life is an illusion that we create on our own personal journey.

And life is far more complicated than we would like it to be.  We live in a world that is full of shades of gray. How someone arrived at their current state is usually a far more tattered tale than we'd like to think. Patience is required to reach a depth of understanding. And even then, we will never truly understand.

I want to be able to have a conversation with you and share the time we talk and listen. And enter into that conversation with the intention of inhaling that which the other speaks. To let our words impress upon each other thoughts that we might not normally think.

Because I think we can learn from tattered tales, wrong thoughts, and conflicting views. I think we can speak and be heard, if we stop to listen too. I think we can share our illusion without disrespecting each other or making someone feel invalid for feeling the way that they do.

If we could just practice tolerance and humility.

I have no interest in impressing upon you anything more than to let you know, that if you feel  the way I do, then you are not alone.

My 39th Year

Today is my 39th Birthday. I am entering into the last year of my thirties and reflecting back on this last year as so much has changed. I thought the prior year had brought about a lot of change with me leaving my overwhelming job and pushing the reset button. 

I realize now that the prior year was mostly recovery.  I was recovering from what years of working in a stressed out environment had done to me.  What was different about this year and I actually started to rebuild.  I could almost say that this year was a year of regrowth. So many new seeds were planted and so many things really started to happen.  And more and more, I started to find my way back to myself.  Not that I am my same self, I am an older, different version of myself but I find her around more than the empty self that I had when I gave my job all that I was.

Health is where I made the most noticeable difference.  As of this moment, I am 80 pounds lighter than I was at this time last year.  Never in my wildest imagination believe that I could pull off sticking to a diet for a year.  And granted, I have a couple of months to go but I have no doubt that this is the lifestyle for me and will be sticking it out.  My mental health also improved quite a bit. I realized that negativity had really taken hold of me and prevented me from enjoying things.  I have worked so hard this last year to focus on the positive and enjoy things for what they are, even if they aren't perfect.

Spiritually, my soul is a lot more at ease.  If you know me, you know I am not a religious person.  That doesn't mean that I don't think about life and my purpose on a daily if not hourly basis.  The mental clarity that I have gained around how I want to spend my time, what I want to do with my life, what kind of person I want to be, and how I want to live day to day has been so great.  I am stronger mentally than I have been in a long time. And I have a real sense of purpose.  I find myself letting go of things easier, allowing time to pass easier, and going with the flow instead of against it. I also see this area continuing to grow a lot as I become more and more in touch with myself.

Professionally, I got back into the line of work I wanted to be doing while working for someone else. In the same field, but the right job that aligned to my skillset allowing me to be more content with my work.  I am also working on side businesses which I have a passion for and will continue to grow over time.  I am reasonable with my expectations in myself and not overdoing it at work or at home. All in moderation.

My hobbies and interests have bubbled up and I am finally "into" things again.  I have always been interested in things but had trouble getting motivated to do them.  This blog was one for example, I wanted to write and share but just wasn't doing it... now I am.  I am also making jewelry, doing projects for my house, writing, planting flowers, reading tons of books, sipping tea, cooking, weaving a tapestry, going places, and once again just engaging in life.

I think of this last year as a journey that I hope never ends. I have returned to balance and have even surprised myself here and there. Slow As The South was always about getting to a place of slow living and enjoying the present and I am closer each and every day.

It's really happening

Well my friends.... it is starting to come together.  What do you ask?  My goals.  Things that seemed like a million miles away this time last year are moving forward at a steady pace.  Fast enough to bring excitement but slow enough not to stress me out.

My health.  After 8 months, my health is finally starting to come back.  I am energetic once again and focused on putting the right things into my body and making good decisions that aren't driven by exhaustion.  My water intake is on track. I went years without drinking much water at all and these days I am drinking a lot of water.  In fact, water and tea are my main beverages.  The drinking water thing has always been a problem for me since as long as I can remember. I am now 6 weeks in to a Ketogenic diet and this has allowed me to lose some weight as well as up my energy.  I used to fall asleep on the couch after a days work at 8 PM. I have no trouble staying awake now and being more active.  While I will still sit down and watch tv in the evening sometimes, I am not tied to the couch either.  Keto has been great and gotten me back into cooking again. Most of the time I prefer to eat at home vs. eating out because I have more options at home. 

My career.  Not my day job but my dream career is starting to come together.  This is where that extra energy stuff is coming in handy.  I have for so long wanted to open a Kawaii store.  I have loved Kawaii stuff since I was young and Santa left me Little Twin Stars erasers and My Melody lip gloss in my stocking.  This last year I was introduced to Japanese DIY candy and from that, I realized how much kawaii had grown since I was young.  I started to envision an online business supplemented by a brick and mortar business in my city.  For the last month, it has been full steam ahead on getting my Kawaii store up and running.  At this time, I now have a site, several online retail platforms reserved and under construction, obtained a tax id, and started working with vendors.  My plan is to open the store online initially and if all goes as planned, open a physical store here in Wichita.  I have been scoping locations but it is too soon to know if it will be all that I envision it to be.  I am also working with graphic designers on a store logo. My niece gave me an inspiration drawing over the weekend that I am using to begin with.  I am hoping to have something in the next 2 weeks selected.  When I do, I'll be sure to share it.

My home.  After living here for 4 years, our house is finally becoming a home.  We've officially completely unpacked and have started decorating rooms that were previously missed.  We've got house projects planned for the coming months and it is very exciting to see it all happening. The exciting part is I actually have energy to do some of it. 

My family.  This should really be at the beginning of this post. My family is much more content these days.  I just returned from a fun-filled weekend in Kansas City; my daughter turned 8 and we spent it at Oceans of Fun/Worlds of Fun.  I haven't been to a waterpark in probably 15 years and I loved it. I can't wait to go again.   Our trip, while exhausting, was a very nice and I enjoyed my family and was happy.  I guess that's what it all comes down to.  I am happy again.  It took awhile to get the mojo back, and I have days where it goes missing, but I am getting there. 

Mojo

Mojo (noun): a magic charm, talisman, or spell.

 

A drawing I did this morning in marker.

Since my dad past away in 2010 things just haven't been the same.  I don't mean specifically his presence is just gone and things aren't the same (although that is certainly significant) but I mean how it has impacted me and the way I cope with life.  Or actually fail to cope.  Don't get me wrong, I've been getting by, but that's about it.  It's almost felt like I've been going through the motions of the things I'm supposed to do but am not actually connected to the things I want to do, things that are me.  It's been evident in the simplest of things: what I talk about, how I dress, how I spend my free time.

 Since Nov 2013, things have been changing.  I've been doing more than coping.  I've been starting to live my life again. 

I realized today, I am a different person than I was 6 months ago. 

I am thriving creatively.  I've done more creative projects since the beginning of 2014 than I've done in the last 3 years.  I've written things down and started taking pictures again. I am not as short with my family or as worried about life.  And I find myself craving time with friends again.

Work is starting to fade away.  Don't get me wrong, it's still crazy and unrealistic in regards to expectations, but now, it's become just a job.

I remember going through my divorce in 2005 and overcoming years and years of depression.  One thought that got me over my slump was owning my misery.  Taking full responsibility for my happiness and my misery.  Sure I had a few rocks thrown at me but it was how I chose to deal with those situations that I owned.  And I got better.  I got significantly better.  So much better that people sought me out.  I firmly believe that when people are being true to themselves, they become more attractive to others.

I haven't dealt with my loss very well.  I haven't dealt with the fall of the economy very well. And I think I'm about over it.  I think I'm ready to be accountable for my own happiness and am relieved to be getting my mojo back.

Currently...

Currently....

1. Going on day 3 of no voice due to dreadful Kansas allergies.
2. Allowing my sweet pup to lay in bed with me because sometimes I just need to cuddle my dog.
3. Sad that WSU basketball is over for the season.  It was fun while it lasted.
4. Needing to buy a new car but so not into car shopping.
5. Working on building my online store when I have time. And trying to find suppliers - how could it be THAT hard?!?!
6. Playing with my new bamboo drawing tablet and pretending I'm an artist.
7. Needing to book our family vacation but struggling to commit to Disney World (again) or come up with something better.
8. Saw the movie, Divergent - surprisingly good as the book.
9. In need of a haircut and brow wax... badly.
10. Wanting to make my own Boba Tea.  Even with all the ingredients at home, still not motivated enough to spend the time.