A drawing I did this morning in marker.
Since my dad past away in 2010 things just haven't been the same. I don't mean specifically his presence is just gone and things aren't the same (although that is certainly significant) but I mean how it has impacted me and the way I cope with life. Or actually fail to cope. Don't get me wrong, I've been getting by, but that's about it. It's almost felt like I've been going through the motions of the things I'm supposed to do but am not actually connected to the things I want to do, things that are me. It's been evident in the simplest of things: what I talk about, how I dress, how I spend my free time.
Since Nov 2013, things have been changing. I've been doing more than coping. I've been starting to live my life again.
I realized today, I am a different person than I was 6 months ago.
I am thriving creatively. I've done more creative projects since the beginning of 2014 than I've done in the last 3 years. I've written things down and started taking pictures again. I am not as short with my family or as worried about life. And I find myself craving time with friends again.
Work is starting to fade away. Don't get me wrong, it's still crazy and unrealistic in regards to expectations, but now, it's become just a job.
I remember going through my divorce in 2005 and overcoming years and years of depression. One thought that got me over my slump was owning my misery. Taking full responsibility for my happiness and my misery. Sure I had a few rocks thrown at me but it was how I chose to deal with those situations that I owned. And I got better. I got significantly better. So much better that people sought me out. I firmly believe that when people are being true to themselves, they become more attractive to others.
I haven't dealt with my loss very well. I haven't dealt with the fall of the economy very well. And I think I'm about over it. I think I'm ready to be accountable for my own happiness and am relieved to be getting my mojo back.
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